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pinksoil said:
If it's not fine (which it's obviously not), then don't tell him it's fine... Please do what's in your best interest... which is to be honest!!! You're obviously feeling rejected by your T, and this is a good opportunity to share those feelings with him. Let him know that you've picked up some contradictions in what he's conveyed to you over the last couple of sessions... the best thing you can do is be completely honest. It sucks, it hurts, it's humiliating as hell, but ultimately, you'll be better for it.

You can be inspired by this-- I know it sounds weird, but it's an excellent opportunity to explore your feelings of attachment/abandonment. That's what I do when I have a crappy time with T. Like the time he didn't suggest I come more than once per week-- I was angry with him, I was crushed. So I went crazy writing, and learned a lot about why I had such issues with that. Inspiration doesn't always come from "good" sessions, you know?

Also, make sure you know everything that's going on with your insurance. Maybe call the company. If there was an inquiry and you don't know why, you most certainly have a right to!

I hope you are doing okay. Please let us know how you do with your pdoc, and all...



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Pink, as soon as I left the session and was in my car you popped into my head. I was remembering your post about him not suggesting additional sessions and thought well, here I go now! I went from feeling good last week to crying and confused this week so fast!

You are 100% on the honesty thing. I'm afraid to be honest about my feelings because I don't want to make things difficult for him with the insurance or worse for myself if they stop paying for sessions altogether....that shouldn't stop me though.

Plus, I respect him so much and if he thinks I'm doing better than maybe I just need confidence in that? Like I mentioned, I did admit that I was afraid to get better completely because then I'll never see him again. Maybe I shouldn't have said that?