I've been doing pretty well lately and was out today with my fiancé. He went into the deli and I went to the bakery and when I came out I saw an old woman with an airdale terroir that looked a lot like my old dog who passed away a few years ago. I approached her while she was talking to another man and quietly asked by indicating with my hand if I could pet her dog, so as not to interrupt her conversation.

She snapped at me, saying "um, no, I'm busy, just move on" very angrily, and pulled her dog roughly towards her to keep it away from me.

I heared "get a life, your pathetic, why would I let someone like YOU touch my dog. S/he is better then you and I won't let silly then with your hands. Your disgusting."

It hurt. A lot. And so I tried to remind myself that she might be having a bad day, or the heat, or it was a pet peeve. But even then I couldn't stop feeling guilty. And I started beating myself up, saying I'm ugly, fat, stupid, and shouldn't have left the house, I shouldn't need to buy things (I should be able to exist without), I don't deserve to be infront of people.

And I rushed home as soon as my fiancé was out of the deli. I cried on the way home but I think I hid it. He knows something's wrong because I won't talk to anyone. I got home and hid in the bedroom, mad at myself for being upset by something so small.

Man I suck. This is why I don't leave my house. Which is pathetic. Stupid impossible social standards.