I have so much crap all rolling at me at once. Social Security, in their infinite wisdom, decided that my disabilty payments because of the stroke, should have stopped long before they did... I owe so much money its making me ill. They also want what my family has been paid for having my children back, which child support recovery will then take out of my hide. (My family won't adopt until the kids are old enough to not need afterschool care... the youngest is 6, not understanding that it makes the burden I carry that much harder that I have to lean on my mom and grandparents just to make it)I can barely make ends meet as is. My mind keeps going in scary directions... I have no one here in the real world to talk to... I scare them enough as it is when I'm just quiet. I still have yet to find out the outcome of my drunk driving case, too... my insurance thru work does not cover treatment, so there's another doozy of an expense. I got that five weeks before I let my doctor make the diagnosis. My self-medication FINALLY caught up with me, I suppose. My sparring partner when I get mean and nasty begged me to come over last night. He's a good friend, so I went over. I cried on his shoulder, and he held me til the meds kicked in and I finally fell asleep. He wants me to go over again tonight... I think he has an idea of the dark places that my mind has been going to... he's worried about me. My mom thinks that I should move back where the bulk of my family is... to rent a few rooms from my creepier than creepy uncle and work for him at my grandparents' shop. Rent would be cheaper and all of that, I know, but he's just a flat out pervert. He makes my skin crawl.He also would pay a lot better than my current job, but I just am very ill at ease in his presence... always have been. I suppose I ought to be semi-adult and get off my butt and get ready for work, even though I really just want to crawl back into bed. I can't afford to miss any work... I should be taking all the overtime I can get, but it's just hard to hit what I'm scheduled. This post was hard... I've never "dumped" everything out on the table to anybody before. Justin just called... he's worried about me. Sorry this post is so damn long. Just didn't know what else to do, where else to go. <font color="blue"> </font> <font color="blue"> </font>