When he initiates I rarely say no, so I guess I don't get why he wouldn't just do that as often as HE wants sex.[/QUOTE]

You write about sex as if it were a commodity. Also, for a woman living in Boston, waiting for 8 years before tackling the problem of no orgasms is way too long.

These two things stand out as highly unusual in your post.

Your question about whether initiating happens equally in all relationships cannot be answered on this board because this board is not a representative sample of the population of couples. Nor is it a relevant question. Suppose, hypothetically, that the answer is that 23.47% of women in couples don't initiate sex. Are you going to print that figure on a flag, adding "See! You were wrong, you bastard. I am not the only one," and waive this flag each time he raises the issue?

He is asking you to do something that is trivial, does not cost money, does not take much time, and is fun if you apply a little imagination. So why are you reluctant to give something so simple to the man you exchanged vows with? The vows were supposedly about doing far heftier things for one another.

By itself your reluctance is unexplainable, but if there are issues you didn't present, or, might not even be consciously aware of yourself, then it is another story. Do you harbor resentment towards him? Do you quietly wish he contributed more to caring for your child, but are too timid to ask?..