I have had problems with disordered eating for a long time, but particularly since I had a bad experience at my first college and transferred out. I was a dance major there and for a year at school had been eating very healthily, and regularly, but as I entered my sophomore year, began to eat too much unhealthy junk foods like pizza and candy. I would eat these things when I felt sad or lonely, and as I began to feel that more and more, I ate more and more of those things, and less vegetables, more sugar etc...
Ever since I've had very disordered eating habits, and I decided to go vegetarian about a year ago, partially as a way to regulate how I was eating, and partially because of the horror of the meat packing industry. However, I quickly discovered that most sweets I was already eating were indeed vegetarian...so then I attempted to move towards veganism. What could be better than to lose weight, cut the sugar habit, and save animals?
However, I have not managed to do this, and I think it has only added to my disordered eating. I want to become a healthy vegetarian, but right now it feels like I'm starving myself or replacing meat with sugary carbs. My family doesn't seem to understand: my mother just says it is a question of willing myself not to eat the box of cookies. However, it's become such a comfort thing, I'm not sure how to break the habit! I've never been underweight so I don't think anyone will get alarmed for my health except if they saw me faint or something... I really hope it doesn't get to that! I'm trying to change my ways.
I think I may have to eat fish from time to time to fill the protein gap until I can better govern my eating habits. I feel like a bad vegetarian... I do care about animals, and I decided to not eat them when I asked myself whether i could kill a chicken with my own hands and decided I couldn't. I just worry that it's part of my disorder too.