(((((((Idiot17))))))

I'm really worried about you. Things seem to be escalating (or at least not improving)... can you reach out to a hotline or something - assuming that you don't feel like you can reach out to anyone IRL?

It's one thing to be consumed by thoughts of SH or mass destruction, and another one to be wondering if you should be giving in to the thoughts.

And I think you DO have coping skills. You are aware that your thoughts are causing you distress, and you ARE reaching out to people on here. You have not yet succumbed to your intrusive SH thoughts (or if you have, I'm assuming its not to the extent that you are thinking), and that is HUGE! You are also supportive to others on this board, which tells me that you have compassion, and that it is possible for you to learn how to turn that compassion on to yourself - because you deserve it. Just as much as anyone else here.

Just remember, these are just THOUGHTS. You are in control of your behaviours. So go and do something. Go for a walk, watch a movie, listen to music.... do anything to try and stop your thoughts from going to those dark places. And try and remember that thoughts come and go, and the intensity will come and go.

Hang in there, and please seek help for yourself if you find those thoughts more appealing. Know that there are people who care for you.


Jacq