Ok. Is this the (former) T who encouraged you to email her, then shared the information with your psychiatrist who then in turn, told you that if you emailed former T again you would be reported to the school's advisory board or something like that?

If so, I am not surprised.

No, this is not okay behavior. It is NEVER okay for a T to command you to hug them. Your therapy is about YOU, your needs…..not theirs. It is confusing and crazy-making.

Forgive me because I have a T "hugging" experience. I was having some feelings for my T. I wouldn't call it "erotic" transference, just transference. He knew it and we very openly discussed it in a mutually respectful way. One day, I was sharing some PC stories and the conversation of hugging came up and he told me he had a "no hugging/no touch" policy with his clients. I understood the boundary and never had requested a hug anyway. End of story.

A few months later, we had a rupture. I get ready to leave and as I go to grab the door knob. He grabs my shoulder to hug me. I asked him to, " Please STOP". It was HIS rule, not mine. Honestly, I really needed a hug in the moment and it may have reflected his true feeling at the time, however, it was inconsistent with his earlier comment/boundary and for some reason, it felt like his earlier words were disingenuous.