My moods aren't as mixed anymore. I seem to be settling into 1-2 moods a day. Yesterday was a good day. My mood was great, visited with my daughter, visited a friend, shopped with money I didn't have. Had lots of energy, walked forever. Was I a little hypomanic or was it just a good day.

I can identify my depressed episodes but I have a hard time identifying my hypomanic symptoms because I question them. I think too much, well because I can't stop it. My brain never really shuts down.

I did a timeline for my new pdoc because I've just started seeing her. I've never done a timeline before and it was really helpful. I of course can identify my depressive states and some of the hypomania, but there comes a time when I have no recollection. I miss gaps of time. Is this normal?

I have to be honest here. In the last few days, I've been smoking weed again. It calms my head. I get some relief from it. An escape.
I noticed through this timeline that I had periods where I smoked really heavily and don't remember having manic periods. I think, they were controlled because I was self medicating. When I had my stable period. I didn't smoke. In fact I didn't smoke for a year and now that everything's coming back, I crave it. Is it behavior?

So my question is... am I truly getting hypomanic?

I haven't been sleeping well for awhile now
My brain just wont shut down, which is why I think I smoke weed
I get bursts of energy, could it be because I get so depressed I can't do anything when I'm low? I just seem to get really busy, like I have a life, or something. Maybe I'm just catching up on what I'm unable to do when I'm low.
I become very social, feeling great, getting out into the world, even though the day before I can't get out of the apartment.
I can get very agitated and can be very rude to people, not my nature, I'm a very gentle person.
On "good" days, I have all these different plans and some great ideas but nothing out of this world.
I do spend money I don't have, but now I know enough to not spend my rent. In 12 years, I've had 7 evictions for non-payment of rent.
I do have more interest in sex but never risky. Normally I have no interest
Sometimes I feel like some great is about to happen. Like a child on Christmas morning.
I start to get confused and I get this floating feeling (without the weed)
Usually this happens in the evening when I've been depressed all day. It just happens out of the blue. Lately my moods feel like they're all over the place. Other days it lasts most of the day but the next day I switch back to low again. Not wanting to talk to people, isolating, no energy.

I seem to be able to explain this stuff away so I'm just not sure. So you can see why I'm confused.

Do any of you just get mild hypomania? Like maybe what I'm describing?

Today I'm back to a low day. Very teary, no energy or incentive to do anything, just blah. It's only 7:30 am and if I'm feeling this way now, by the end of the day I'll end up really depressed, feeling hopeless again, lonely and scared.

This whole thing just plays with my head and I don't want to make something out of nothing, you know.