Hi NoProgress,

My vote is to definitely tell someone. Anyone. Secrets increase shame. We live in a world of facades. People can't be themselves. You may be suffering from AvPD, but others are suffering from Depression, Addiction, OCD, Childhood Trauma, etc. Most everyone hides and puts on the mask. Its not healthy for anyone.

I believe in exposing things to the light. That's why male celebrities go on talk shows and talk about being raped. Do you think its easy? No. They have learned that exposing the secret reduces the shame, not increases it, and helps others too.

Don't get me wrong. I am not confident enough to go around telling everyone I have AvPD. I don't. However, I have probably told about 6-8 people in my life. Surprisingly, no one has taken off running. Some people I tell I have social phobia or social anxiety. Again, no one has yet been horrified. The fact that no one is repelled like I believe they will be helps my condition.

Years ago, I had a crush on this guy I worked with. It got so bad, that just him entering the same room I was in made me turn red instantly. It was horrible. He would come to talk to me about work related issues, sometimes several times a day, and I would keep turning red. I was in hell. I thought and thought about what I could do, besides quitting my job, to make this stop. The only answer I could come up with is to tell him... to take the power of the secrecy and shame away. So one night, on the phone, I told him I had social anxiety and that's why I was turning red all the time. I did not tell him everything, but I told him a good portion of the truth. I told him he made me nervous. He was very kind and understanding. And you know what, my plan worked. Next time he approached me, I was not as consumed with being judged or trying to hide something (because he already knew). The blushing stopped (there may have been another incident or two, but it lost its power quickly).

I talk to a therapist who knows about my AvPD. I find it helpful, if even just to not hate myself so much all the time. My dad knows about my AvPD. He didn't really understand for years, and that was OK. He is now learning and starting to get it and even see his role in it. However, that all has to do with HIS stuff, not mine. My mom does not know. My mom is not a safe person, and I will never tell her.

Again, I'm not advocating that you start shouting it from the rooftops yet (although that does tend to make disorders lose their power). I AM advocating that you tell someone. Someone relatively safe (as no one feels completely safe). Maybe your mom or maybe a therapist.