i was supposed to be going to her house to sort all this out next week but she is going to make me feel guilty and deny all knowledge AGAIN. i have had enough of all of this. i am 42 years old and it's just never going to leave me.

i need to cut her out of my life i think it is the only way and then i'll spend the rest of my life feeling guilty about that.

what's the freakin point. nothing goes right, everything is just too much too much too much. i always seem to think too deep, get in too deep, out of my depth and end up drowning. TOO MUCH
i feel used, rejected, hurt, abandoned and walked on irl.

i'm 15 again and feel rebellious i know that sounds really odd
but i feel like doing some terrible things to hurt people.
i think i'm losing it