Hi there.....I guess I kinda want to address all the replies you made starting with Trippin's, if you don't mind ....I am still concerned that so much of your happiness and stability depends on your bf or any other person, for that matter. I'm glad he is a help to you and that you feel you are as well, for him. But I do have to agree that finding some outside interests (interests that you can enjoy without his input--not necessarily 'outside') does not make you a 'traitor' to the relationship, but can actually bring even more balance to it, rather than make it feel unstable. Just a thought.

Your reply to Icecream is also concerning, and I do understand that you are frightened of Therapy...I don't know ANYONE who rushed into it with glee upon realizing they either had a MI or thought they were having sufficient emotional issues in their lives to need someone to help work thru those troubles. It's a scary thing...learning to trust someone who for all purposes of intent is a stranger, at first. But henrietta, your bf was a stranger before you met him. I'm not saying you would form that kind of bond with a Therapist, just that you've proven you can learn to trust someone enough to share emotional issues you're experiencing.

And Therapists have something your bf cannot (as much as I'm sure he wishes he could) give you....they have training, understanding from a perspective of helping people much like you, thru the most difficult times in their lives. I encourage you to at least consider it. Remember, the first time with a T does NOT have to be a 'lay it all on the table' session. Just get to know them, help them get to know you...as slowly as you need. Find level. For your sake and your bf's sake, you deserve to have help to find level.

Now for me. It was actually funny how the conversation came about and I'm not sure how helpful it would be...I was at a party given by my best friend...lots of people we knew, co-workers, friends of co-workers, dates etc. The conversation (as it often does with randy 20somethings) turned to sex and we'd all had enough to drink that no one was feeling particularly self-concious. The topic soon went to gay men, lesbian women, and everything in between and that was when my friend stated his preference for womens clothing when he went out dancing (there were several gay clubs in the area and in the neighboring state a half hour away--obviously, although WE were open minded, this was the south and the only place he felt comfortable dancing with a dress on was at a gay club) and I just inquired further. It was facinating to me as I'd never met a transvestite. I asked if he was gay and he laughed and said "NO!" and then told me if I didn't already have a bf he would have hit on me a long time ago! lol It was a fuzzy but interesting night to say the least.

My only suggestion is that you do talk to him, in person preferably and possibly under the guise of exploring sexual fantasy's between you, and clearing up any misconceptions at the same time. If you present that you are interested, rather than worried....curious rather than self-concious, and keep the conversation as light as you are able, he may find it very easy to tell you how he feels. Leave the ex out of it, as well as his 'pretending' to be her. It's NOT about her---it's about both of you. If it makes it easier...practice with a teddybear or some other non-threatening stuffy....until YOU feel okay with it...and practice HOW you want to bring it up. At the party it was just a natural progression. So find something that you CAN bring up comfortably that you can 'naturally progress' to the topic you want to...and then, have fun with it.

Good luck, and I hope this helps