You may want to ask this in the bipolar forum too. But tread lightly because not all bipolar mothers mistreat their children. And what you may only get are some of the symptoms that might present that your mother had and you suffered for.

Also, because you are now in your fifties, while we know about bipolar now, back when you were growing up, not much was known about it and many who suffered from it didn't know they had it either.

Also, please don't worry about being "normal" because no one is really "normal" and there is dysfunction in every family too. The fifties is known for "mid life crisis" too, so most people in their fifties tend to stop and look back and review and stress too.

I think that what you need to focus on is "healing" and grieving whatever you discover is behind what has led to your stress, fierce need to protect others, yet struggle to ask for help yourself. Unfortunately, you are not alone with that challenge as I have now met so many who grew up to feel their needs were not important, and mother did not want to be bothered so behave and leave her alone and you better do as "she pleases and follow whatever she values and after all she is the queen, too".

Welcome to PC too, you are welcome here anytime you struggle in therapy and need to vent or just have support and validation and understanding.

(((Welcoming Hugs)))
OE