He is 51. I am much older. I happen to be chronically ill, and he told me, that I am well, and in another round-about-way, he says I am not doing my part for my mom. He also accuses me of trying to stop my husband from helping my Mom, which is the complete opposite of the truth.
The truth, which he does not know, is that we have been helping her in many, many ways for many years. Now that she is il (seven years) and he is on the scene, he feels he has the brunt of it all. The truth is he does a lot for her, but my husband shops for food, I send stuff over, I talk to her on the phone and console her ... something he would never be bothered to do ... and he has no idea of all the ways we have been there for my Mom long before he entered the picture.
He makes my other brother feel bad also and my other brother told me to pay no attention to him but it is hard when he accuses me of stopping my husband from helping my Mom when the opposite is true. We just don't toot our horns about the help all these years. We did it quietly. And, I don't advertise, as I love my Mom and would not want to embarrass her. She is a very proud woman.
So many times, I have sent him an email after he takes her to the doctor and he doesn't answer. In the past, he would not even give me a list of the medications she was on. One day there was a serious emergency, heart attack, and I took my Mom to the ER and I didn't know what meds she was on. At that point, I blew up and called him to tell him that I was extremely angry +++. I told him off.
When I call him, which is rare, he immediately gets on and says "I don't have time and I say, this will take one minute and that is what it takes. A minute or two. I rarely call. I only email if I need to know her status; he does not reply.
I have no idea why he hates me, but I was told that the reason is, get this, that I did not do enough for him. You see, he was 7 years old, last child in the household with my Mom only, when I left to get married. He feels that I should have helped him more. The truth is I helped when I lived there babysitting him from the time he was born, taking him out with my boyfriends, but then I left to get married. I am not his mother. I don't get what he expected me to do or why he would put me in a role like that.
He was married to a woman who , admittedly had serious mental problems, but I heard that once ... she made him breakfast ... eggs ... and he did not like it so he told her to make them again. They are now divorced. Whatever.
I have been abused all my life and I'll be damned if I am going to take abuse from him. I don't know how to react when I am getting abused ... in fact, I have a hard time recognizing abuse towards me ... other people like yourself have to tell me. I think this comes from having had a life filled with abuse. First my Dad and then my husband.
I thought I was just overreacting and still don't understand the crazymaking term regarding him and I need to. If it were not for my mom, I would just avoid him totally.
Thanks.