I once held a job for four years. I've held 4 jobs for 3 years each. I was fired from 2 of those. I've quit several, I mean several after 2 or 3 weeks. I have went to a few for only a couple of days. The last real job I tried was too much lifting, as I need a back surgery. It bothered me so much to quit, I almost shot myself.

Now, with this BP diagnosis finally added in to the cards, I am terrified just to try to find a job. And I do mean terrified. I am scared of what I may do to myself if it don't work out or if I don't get hired.

When I was younger I never had trouble like this. I just cannot shake this funk off of me. It has stolen everything. It has stolen my mind and my ability to function.

God bless anyone who feels like me. This is the hardest thing to ever enter my life.