The alcoholics I am familiar with, and there are many, will have this thing called the phenomenon of craving. It happens sometimes, not every time. Once I got three or four beers or two or three drinks the pump would be primed so to speak. I would get this overwhelming craving to keep drinking. I would drink long past the party being over. I would drink until all the booze was gone. I would go to the store to get more, drunk driving or not. Drink until I was in a black out or pass out. Once the craving kicks in the drinking is out of control.

Then there is the addictive or obsessive part of it. I may go a couple of weeks and not drink and when I am feeling at my absolute best I would just have to drink that night. It was weird because when I was feeling really good is when I would want to drink the most. Also I could not quit on my own. I tried many many times and would always going back to the bottle or some other drug.

So it is not really about what consequences you have had it is all about what happens when you start drinking and your relationship with alcohol. Some may argue there is a broad spectrum of addiction. I do not think so. I think addictive personality and alcoholic are a pretty narrow spectrum. You can progress into it. I am not sure if someone who was not born with an addictive personality or an alcoholic can develop into one. I tend to think not.

Sounds like for sure you are using alcohol to cope with grief and life. Of course this is what alcoholics do too, but lots of people who are not alcoholics use it to cope with life. It is so available and acceptable.

Maybe you should focus on other healthier ways to grieve and cope with life and alcohol won't have as much appeal. If you are not an alcoholic, with some determination and will power you should be able to quit without relapsing over and over.

Do you have any family history with addiction and alcoholism?