Hello, MindDiver, and welcome to Psych Central! Honestly, I'm not sure you can do anything to help him to understand. You seem to have tried everything under and over the sun.

You might check into the book "The Five Love Languages" or a book similar to it. What I understand is that people feel loved in different ways. Some feel loved when their significant other spends time with them, does things for them, etc. It sounds like your boyfriend might not be able to give you what you need to feel loved.

You say the idea of joint counseling didn't work. I suggest you go by yourself to talk about this issue and other ones.

I hope things work out for the best.