She deepens and perpetuates the stagnant, repetitive thought process in you. Your posts are extremely depressing, because they show absolutely no internal dynamic. Like regurgitation. To the extent that during all the time that you have been posting on here, she had been counseling you, I can tell with confidence that seeing her is a waste of your time and money. Btw, I have literally not spent a millisecond of my life trying to imagine what kissing or anything else would feel like with a hypothetical man. Seems like a massive waste of time and effort as well.

Look for a new therapist or strike on your own. With this one, you will eventually sink down the marsh waters and never return.