I read this the other day and it struck a chord:

"Never apologize for how you feel, it's like apologizing for being real."

I think you and your bf seem grossly incompatable emotionally. After all you've described, I just cannot identify a middle ground upon which you two could meet.

I think his excuse for not going to couples therapy was flimsy at best. You've described your situation in living colour to us, I have no doubt that a T will be able to get a clear picture, especially if you discuss this trauma you mentioned, as bf would be giving his input as well, verbal or not. The T would see the interaction first hand actually...

My T doesn't see my life first hand, but so far he's pretty good at grasping the situations I bring up in therapy, its what they're trained to do, they don't shadow us in our everyday lives and then make observations from there.

So yeah, flimsy at best...

If he's not open to therapy with you, I would strongly suggest re-evaluating this relationship.

Can you really spend the rest of your life with someone who unabashadely invalidates all your difficulties?

I know I could not.