My method of problem solving is full out frontal attack with heavy artillery. Use every resource I can to go at it.

When the problem was the most grave threat I had ever faced, the prospect of being ruined by a MH situation, I really went all out. I put together what I considered "the team" and worked on "the plan".

The team - all of the people I have turned to for professional assistance with it - psychiatrist, psychologist, hypnotherapist, massage therapist, integrative medicine doctor, guided imagery specialist all for the mental health aspect. To deal with my physical health issues, I have been treated by my primary care doctor, as well as a cardiologist, neurologist, pulmonologist, and chiropractor. For the fitness component, I am currently working with three personal trainers, a triathlon coach, a swimming instructor, and a registered dietician. I even signed up and started at a weight loss center a few weeks ago, just to give myself incentive to get the last excess body fat off, which has vexed me for like a year now.

The plan- do everything possible to maximize my mental health, my physical health, and to try and be happy. I had to address a lot of past issues, including the damage years of living a high-stress lifestyle, poor nutrition, weight gain, aging, lack of exercise did to me.

I do a lot, I work hard at it. I can say without a doubt that if I had done nothing after I fell apart, I would have offed myself in short order. Even with all of that, it has not been easy, and I hit a very low spot emotionally last December-January where I did think about doing myself in, because I still felt hopeless in the disconnect of my inner mind.

The inner mind is a place where I exist as a tortured soul, always worrying about being exposed as "some crazy guy" and cast out from my life. I thought I had done a pretty good job of putting all of that behind a maximum strength containment field, I had a real change of mood, of attitude, and of outlook back in February/March. I finally had some optimism, and felt I could have a future.

I am sure I don't need to tell anyone here this, but it can take very little to trigger. A few days ago, my lead personal trainer told me he is leaving. Out of all of the people I have turned to, other than my therapist, I consider him the most important to me, emotionally, and I have spent far more time with him than anyone else. But, he also is very available at any time via text/phone/skype, and he actually contacts me almost every day to check on me.

The thought of him leaving just devastated me. And, mulling that over yesterday morning during a 60 mile bike ride, which is when I am truly alone to think in a way I can't otherwise, my "me time", I realized that 1) falling apart over a situation is the same old m.o. that got me in trouble my entire life, and especially in 2012; and, 2) I think I rely far too much on external support as a substitute per inner strength - don't get me wrong, a support system is great, but ... Only to a certain extent, when it becomes an excuse for not doing the work yourself, it has gone too far, IMHO.

Thoughts, please.