I been telling myself that everything will be alright, that everything will be okay in the future. I will have a new life in college. I won't be able to worry about my depression. But, I don't think this can hold on. Since the day of graduation, I been lazy around the house. It seemed like my mom was tired of me seeing trapped in my room. But I like being in my room. At least it held be alive for last few days. Being in my room keeps me alive and my mom does not know this. She wants me to go out side and meet with people... I don't have people. I didn't really tell her that... I just listened to her... And now, she decided to go mad about random stuff, how I am being like a child, how she hates to see me in my room, that I'm going to be like this (like a child, don't want to meet people, be stuck in the room) in the future... This has struck me hard. How she says that I will not change in the future. She doesn't know if I have depression. She doesn't know if I been thinking about killing myself. I had a plan to meet new people when I go college. I had new plan to become a new self... And she just crushed that plan... and now... My thought of suicide has came back. I'm still 50/50 of I want to live and I want to die... I really want to start a new life... But I need someone to tell me to live on. I just need someone to talk to. I'm tired of talking myself into the mirror.