So, some days are good - other days really bad...

Most of the time I can hide my depression really well, I function great at work - I come home and do the mummy things, I get through each day... Most people don't even know about the thoughts that go through my head... My partner has trouble understanding it, tells me it's something I should get over I have no reason to be sad... Which I guess is true - I have a fantastic job,fabulous kids,partner,home, friends, family - I have everything a person wants - yet I feel like I'm dying inside.

I try so hard to just 'get on with life' ignore what I am feeling, it works for the most part - but then I end up in a ball of tears, having suicidal thoughts, there is this road that I travel daily I know if I take it to fast I wouldn't survive,when my thoughts are at it's worse I find I drive faster around it just to push my limits...

I have been on medication for a year - it was just after my miscarriage and during the separation of my partner (we are now back together) things got to a point where I ended up bawling in my doctors office telling her I didn't want to live, she got me the help I needed... I see a psychologist - she's helped a lot, but I feel like I a just not getting as far as I should.

I try really hard to just pretend to be fine, it's at night time and during my psych sessions that I break down, then I suck it all back up and go about life,I'm sick of sucking it up - I'm sick of pretending I don't want to feel like I'm dying inside anymore, I sometimes wish that I would just die so that I wouldn't feel this - but then my thoughts go to me children and how much that would hurt them - I would much rather me feel every bit of hurt and pain then them...

Life is hard - living with this makes it harder

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