It sounds like you are going through a really rough time...not just now, but over the last 12 months. You have done a good thing coming here, there are many threads and many people who are willing to share what they know works for them and willing to open up and show they care....allbe it via hugs friendship and chat.

I have bipolar....and can relate to the outside facade of my life is great I have everything I want while inside your having a mental battle beteeen the forces of good "whats wrong, you have eveyrhing you want" and evil " I Don't want to die but I cant keep this up any longer". Its a terrible debilitating way to exist.

Can I suggest talking with you T or pdoc and telling thwm exacly how it is? It may be your not on the right meds, it might be tou need more therapy, but talking and acknowledging the problem is still there will help. But dont give up. If you were dying and could trade your job or house or money for an extra few years of life. ....Would you? Most would. It should be no different with what is on the negotiating table to keep your mental health and thereby not end it all. Does hubby realize just how bad it is? Can he get some therapy as a supportive carer? Can you get some info from your T to five to him?

Whatever you do.....dont give up on yourself or you family....all else is up for negotiations. But negotiate befor e it all comes crashing down... better to unstack the shelf than let it fall.



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