no one will probably care too much or be able to help but I have to say whats on my mind some way. im feeling very low and worthless, I want to die but am not the one to go the suicide route. but some horrific accident would be nice. im extremely lonely and my bf treats me like ****, I don't even know what to think about myself or our relationship. some days things a great but the majority of the time I feel neglected, and used and abused. not physically abused but emotionally.
today he wakes up next to me talking about how much of a complete b***h I am and how he's not going to stay at my apt anymore all because I asked him to turn off the tv last night at about midnight because I couldn't sleep with it on. he then says to me if we were standing on stairs at this moment he'd kick me down them. and then leaves.
he constantly says im nothing but a b***h because of the way I talk. I don't ***** I just state facts that he doesn't want to hear. he does the same thing but if I call him an asshole for it I get my head ripped off for even thinking it. its a complete double standard.
after his comment about kicking me down the stairs im really upset I question him all the time if he really loves or not. and he still doesn't understand why I think he doesn't. comments like this make me feel completely worthless, unloved and unwanted. and I know I don't deserve it. but I don't know what to think or do, and I shut down and cry and all I want is to die. if im so worthless and he hates me so much why doesn't he leave if hes so unhappy. I feel like if I just died then things would be fine for everyone. I hate living its so stupid and pointless I have nothing to look forward to and people including my family just kick me when im down all the time.