Hello I have been living with depression my whole adult life. As a teenager I was in therapy and was briefly hospitalized for my depression, since then I have been managing it myself. About a year ago I started a new job hoping to develop a new support system and it went horribly wrong. I got really sick about 6 months ago and didn't know what was wrong with me, at the time I had no health ins. and was really scared. Eventually I had to go to the ER, partly to save my job because they didn't believe I was ill. Turns out I had a kidney stone. I signed up for healthcare through healtcare.gov and went to the doctor. I scheduled surgery and had to wait while they hoped the stone would pass. I told my employer about this and they seemed supportive. However, a week before my surgery they let me go for what they deemed an attitude problem, but my attitude was really my depression coupled with the intense pain from the kidney stone. I had no choice but to go on unemployment and have the surgery done, if I hadn't I couldn't find a new job because I was ill. The procedure involved having a stent placed inside me which I was told would be inconvenient. The stent was excruciatingly painful and left me completely unable to get out of bed for 9 days. This really aggravated my depression. The end result of this is that my support system is no longer available to me. I try not to depend on my work support that much, but as I get older it becomes more important for me. My mother is very supportive, but she lives 1000 miles away and can't help me as much as I need. I do have friends, but it's difficult to talk to them about my depression. I know I need to see a therapist, but was hoping to find a new job first since finding a therapist can be as challenging as finding a new place to work. My job hunt has taken longer than expected and my depression has only worsened during that time. Last week I needed help and I knew it. I finally called my local crisis hotline and went in to speak to a therapist. Unfortunately the experience left me feeling far worse than before. I keep trying to remind myself that the therapist I spoke to was really trying to help me, but I felt very judged and didn't feel like she believed what I was saying. It was very difficult to contact the crisis line and now I feel really stuck. My only other alternative is to go to the ER, but I used to work at the hospital where the ER is located and don't feel comfortable doing that because I would have to see old co-workers and deal with all the gossip it would generate. So I'm reaching out and posting here. I've found social media (like Facebook) isn't a positive experience so I'm trying to find positive alternatives like this forum. Thank you for listening and any support is appreciated.