My dear, my heart aches for you. My own mother was cold, but I came to forgives her as she honestly thought sucking it up was for my own good. That it would teach me to become hard in a harsh world. My best guess is your mother is mentally ill, possibly depressed. Depressed mothers have depressed kids.

Now that you're 18, you can legally take over your own mental health treatment, you can go to a therapist without reporting to your parents. I highly suggest that. I also might suggest group therapy. Your mothers failure to act appropriately has left a yawning chasm in you. If there is an Intensive Outpatient Therapy, and you can get in, take it. The feedback will be priceless.

As for medicines, there is a lot of questions out there as per teenagers, so don't give up on them. Young brains don't respond in the same way as us old fogey's brains.... The older you get, the better match. Plus, it can take a LOT of trial and error to figure out what meds work with you (at any age!). My depression began around 6th grade, but I was sad years before that, due to parental neglect. (Which she did her best at, but I was furious for years.) I'm now on an atypical antipsychotic having been just diagnosed with bipolar 1 though I feel pretty sure I was bipolar 2 for decades (the one where the mania doesn't get as bad). It's worked for me in ways no antidepressant ever did.

I'm not advocating the use of my class of meds, but I would consider--now that you're of legal age-- I would consider asking your psychiatrist if he might consider a medicine outside of the class of typical antidepressants for your depression that is seeming, from your description, to defy typical medicinal relief. I won't suggest more. I worry I may have suggested the wrong thing. But having been on the wrong class of meds for 25 years I do worry a bit when I read stories that remind me of myself at that same age. You may have more than typical depression, given your mothers action. There are personality disorders ( just say in') associated with both cutting, and parental neglect. (I do believe I have a touch of this myself.) But be careful with your anger. You need to focus on you right now, not on your mother. Antidepressants are known to cause--cause, mind you--rage, especially in teens and young adults. Do please be careful. And again, group therapy or support group might prove very helpful at the moment, maybe even dialectal behavior therapy. (I'm not an expert on it though.)

I hope you get some relief, everyone deserves to be content. I think happiness is overrated, but to have days where you are content in your own skin sounds very possible ( and even probable!!!!!). Don't give up!! This is not a phase, but treatment will help!! Best to you. I mean that.