Mowtown, you have a lot of good advice here. Of course you are feeling a big loss here, you finally found a person who "sees you" and actually "took an interest" in you, which is something you were missing from a very early age. That is what Teacake was describing.

Experiencing another male like that who rewarded you with caring and rewarded you for your efforts was "helping that inner child that missed that". That caring relationship inspired you to do all the other positive things, and that is what is supposed to take place when we are children, and that many of us who suffer from complex PTSD did not get. However, that never meant those who suffer like that were "unworthy", and that is where you begin to go with this separation, you were not ready for that to happen "yet". Well, your inner child had a lot of catching up to do so you could get to that level where you gained enough support to where you could strike out on your own with more "self esteem".

My last post to you was to encourage you to remain positive and realize that this person is still there, but he has chosen to improve his life by going to a new place and taking his skills and doing more. That doesn't mean he is deserting you, as you can still communicate with him and even at some point visit him and possibly gain some ideas for yourself to possibly take a new direction.

It is important to understand "why" you feel this way, and work on not "feeding into the negative", and I know that can be hard. You have really done so well and deserve to continue to do so. You really have taken the wheel of healing yourself in every way, I am always so impressed with you for that, you are setting a good example for others here as you are inspiring.

You "can" move forward, meet other individuals that can also add value to your life, you actually have been doing that if you think about it. You need to continue to give yourself that right, as you do that more and more, you will overcome more and more because you will have created a new pathway in your brain that is healthier, it just takes time.

(((Hugs)))
OE