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Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung
I think I relate to that. I'm probably wrong here, but I think that might be somewhere in the dissociative disorder category... around that area, perhaps. Back when I was off my trolly, few cards short of a deck, few bubbles in my think tank, elevator wasn't going to the top floor, ... lol and so on. xD ...so yeh, back then, I definitely felt like I was struggling to connect, ... in-fact, I still feel a bit like that, sometimes, but back then it almost sometimes felt like a trance.
It sounds like you lack the feeling of being understood, ... I'd wager your inability to connect is because what you really want is to connect to someone who can connect to you and understand you, even just a bit! Does it help being on PC? Might just be that it would mean so much more to connect to someone like that in person, I know it would for me, but that's a challenge when you rarely go out. xD
Stay safe, Voss.
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I've joined a lot of forums over the years, and none of them really alleviated this feeling unless I had a large group of friends there. Inevitably I share the umbrella identity or interest, but our approach and experience is different. Everyone else winds up excited to be reading their own thoughts and life experiences in other people's words, but that's yet to happen to me. I spent several years connected to one community and only felt understood by one person like me who became a close friend, and he gave up and left after a year or two of the same difficulties.
I've socialized quite a bit at work this year. I like them and feel connected in a friendly way, but they still lead completely different lives and I sometimes feel like I'm talking to them across a chasm. You like to make new friends, I prefer acquaintances. Your life is going well, mine's a mess. You have a fairly conventional sense of humor, mine's dark and wry. You read fantasy/romance novels, I read about Greek philosophers and listen to audiobooks. You're cisgender, I'm transgender. You want to write a novel, I want to write novellas and short stories.
The only people I felt resonated with me on a meaningful level have been instructors more than twice my age. I could really get behind a psych instructor (50-60?) who'd worked as a counselor and her thoughts about the world, for example.
I've never met anyone other than my boss (50's) who has read or reads books on writing.