Sorry for being my whiny self, but I've been struggling all week... and feel like I can't take it anymore. I won't pretend I was better off before I started therapy, but at least back then I could use my coping skills... yes I was harming myself, but at least I got some short term relief. Now I feel like T is taking all these away from me one after the other, but doesn't give me any healthier ones... Ok this isn't exactly true, I have a lot I can use during daytime. But I've got nothing for the evenings when trying to fall asleep and the flashbacks are creeping in. This is the first time all week I'm trying to get some sleep while being sober and I just can't... but need to be up for work in 6 hours!!! And if tonight goes like the pas few nights I'll have nightmares in addition to the flashbacks... I so wish I could drink myself to sleep without hearing T's disapproving voice in my head.

I don't know if I can make it to group tomorrow, but if I do I worry I will be so aggressive towards T it may not be worth it. But at least she'd have some warning that our session on friday is going to be tough: I've got a party planned that night and want to drink myself into oblivion, but she won't approve... All I want is to escape this hell and apparently I'm stuck...

Again sorry for being this whiny, but I'm tired, need to sleep and I can't even lay down without having flashbacks...