The prison analogy you mentioned describes to a tee how my parents would react. I would dream of shouting about it from the rooftops, I can just imagine the liberation. The ease on my mind and shoulders as it would be coming out of my private domain out to the whole world. Another fantasy/wish?

It's getting all complicating and in depth as to why I'm paranoid to get help.

At this point I feel it's none to zero on feeling better. But I want to prove to myself that I can do it. Yet maybe I should just prove to myself that I can be successful in what I attempted in the past. Idk.

I appreciate you guys help and replies. Hugs to you all struggling.