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Jun 01, 2014, 05:52 PM
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Member Since: May 2014
Location: Harrison, NY
Posts: 172
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...........Besides being a fat ***.
My WHOLE life, well since I can remember I have been over weight and trying to lose weight. Most recently, last year I lost about 40-45lbs. It was alot of exercise( I was not working at the time) and eating better.
I started to fall off the wagon about 9 months ago, I also started Zoloft around then for Major Depression-severe recurrent. I have dealt with that my whole life as well, but I self medicated, and for awhile, when I was a young teen, self harm. Anyways, I finally got some meds, and omg they worked! I felt much better, although I gained weight, about 30lbs back( not blaming it on the meds, but they probably did not help. So, I was depressed anyway, I tried switching meds, Wellbutrin,, but I did not feel right on it.s 
Anyways......why do I eat, especially when I junk I will regret, why do I do it, why do I eat sooo much of it KNOWING I will hate myself, be completely depressed. It is like I do not even care at the moment there is food in my face. I can not understand why I have not developed anorexia yet or something. It makes me so angry that it is something i want SOOO BAD, my whole life and yet I just keep messing it up, day after day after day. It is so terribly unbelievable.
I dont know what the point of this, I just feel like I am losing my mind. I do not understand why i do this and why it seems impossible to control. Even at night, if I do not eat something close to bed time then I will probably wake up acouple hours later, in a daze, eat something and go to sleep( super embarassing, I know) the next morning, wake up and have to think if I really did that.
Also, I stopped the Wellbutrin( I am not on anything, and have not been for a few weeks- I DO have an appt. with my psychiatrist Tuesday) Anyone have suggestions?- Have gone through this?
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