Your fear of accepting flashbacks is a symptom. It's the disorder. That voice keeps you from being healthier. I hope soon you won't listen to it and will find solutions, tools to take good care of yourself if you fear self-harm, a definite priority a good trauma t should be able to work on with you sooner than later. I know there can be a lag between opening up about trauma and being able to deal with it, so I'm sorry it's so rough right now.