You're right. I am choosing it. Because I don't believe I deserve to be happy. I don't believe I have any right or any claim to anything good. I would be lying and rewarding the bad in me if I tried to do something to improve how I felt. I deserve to feel this way.

I may send my T a text and tell her to forget about the other one, that I don't want to talk about it, and if she brings it up, I will ignore it.