I know how this feels yet we are alone in our depression as each person experiences it differently (even though there are many common characteristics). I dont want to tell you that with time it will get better as it seems you have struggled a long time. I have too. Depression seems to be cyclic. Some days you feel ok, good even, and then some days you crash. I just want to say that there are people here that acknoledge you and how you're feeling and that you arent alone in your struggle.