I'm sorry you are losing someone who has been soo supportive of you. That mst really hurt.

Johnny, I have spent most of my life avoiding the need of support from others, whilst deep down always wishing I had it. I think this has been one of the worst things I have done, and also believe it is going to be a big area of growth for me......being ok accepting help and support from others in healthy ways.

I just do not think that as human beings we are meant to live solitary lives, totally independent of needing or wanting help from other human beings. And to pursue that goal is living a life of avoidance. I hope you hear this in the caring manner it is meant...... this statement of yours "I thought I had done a pretty good job of putting all of that behind a maximum strength containment field" ......is surely a defensive, avoidant one. I know, I am an expert in this.

Being extremely efficient, accomplished, high achieving etc person.....was only avoiding what I needed to heal from....I was doing the best cover-up job in the world.....sounds like you are too.

Find support, the right type for you, please.....stay on your journey, take your time and heal Johnny.