You have a lot going on in your life at the moment that is not helping your MH at the moment. Unfortunately that is life. I hope you dont loose your job but its hard not to think about it.When I was at my worst last year I would hang on to my therapist's every word in the hope that she would shed some glimmer of hope on the dire situation I was in. I was not able to function at all. Looking back at it I was hoping that she would magically "Fix" me. I am not saying that you are like me but we do live in hope don't we.