Yes its that time of year again. Ive just come from my final session for 2weeks. 2 weeks? I mean thats not a whole life time is it? But it sure feels that way. Told T I feel like I'm sitting at a deserted railway station awaiting a train that I hope will come.

Everyone around me knows the train doesn't come this way now but the other option means that I too have to open my eyes wide and accept the train is never gonna come and stand up and leave the station oooorrr just sit and keep the hope frozen.

Leaving the station in the long run is the healthy option, but something in me cannot let go of the hope the train will come!.

But wait!!!! I think just speaking these words to T has opened the door for change. I think I am waking up now, I think I might be begining to allow the fact in that the train doesn't stop here anymore. I think I may be able to stand up and leave the station.

I've been sitting in this station for alllllllllll my life. My god I didn't know it! I'm looking around and life is going on, people are surviving and I'm here too. I survived. I can risk letting go...Oh how long its been, sitting waiting. The pain of reliving that missing train over and over again like some trick nightmare.

Bye