Filing for divorce doesn't mean that you have to go through with it. And who cares what others think, you need to do what is best for yourself and your children.

And as a practical matter filing for divorce does mean you are being proactive not reactive to the situation. You can use the filing as leverage for counseling if that is what you want, or you can position yourself for the divorce better if you are the one who files.

You can probably call around and get a free consultation from a lawyer, then start your planning for the divorce. I hate to sound cold but planning things out for a bit is a good thing. My ex planned for over a year before I knew a thing and I got hammered. I'm not suggesting that you do the same to him, but I am saying you need to protect yourself from something like that happening to you.