I struggle with this too Teacake.

My problem is that when I did talk about it I was "invalidated' in ways I never imagined.

I had a really bad day yesterday tbh. I woke up and came down stairs and the gravity of how much I have been invalidated just hit me and I could not stop crying.

I used to have such a glowing flame and I can't seem to get it lit again. I realized how everything that was a flame in me was so badly abused and destroyed and invalidated that any time I get near anything I used to do where that flamed burned so brightly is nothing but "hurt" now. It is not anything that I ever imagined experiencing either. So, yes, I see avoidance all around me and I can't seem to fight my way past it either.