I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so empty, Kittydag18. This sounds like a pretty clear case of serious depression to me. It robs us of every ounce of interest, motivation & energy & leaves us wishing the world would just leave us alone. I am pleased to hear you don't have the urge to hurt yourself. I do hope this continues to be the case.

Regarding what your mother said, it's not your responsibility to keep your brother busy so he'll stay off drugs & alcohol. That's a pretty darn big load for her to drop on your shoulders! I hope you can avoid feeling like his sobriety is your responsibility & so, if he fails, it's your fault. It's not! It's certainly fine to do what you can for him. But, in the end, he has to be responsible for himself.

Best wishes...