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alexandra_k said:
(i guess the notion is that a girl should put out for them and nobody else. if a girl doesn't put out for them then she is a 'hold-out' or is 'frigid'. if a girl puts out for others - as well as them - then she is a 'slut' or a 'pro' or whatever)

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As I was reading this I got all my feelings of shame and guilt back full force. I was brought up traditionally as well, so for me to never have waited more than just a couple of dates before climbing into bed with someone...ugh! It also reminded me of something a nurse asked me- she wanted to know how much my BPD has influenced my ?promiscuity. I had never thought about that before, esp as this is a fairly new diagnosis for me, but there could be some corelation between the 2.. I do feel like a real 'slut' tho because of my behaviours. Also, IRL my male friends used the word 'slut' to answer the 1st question, altho in their double standards (or possibly their hormone-driven minds?!) that appeared to be what at least 3 of them were wanting..

Quote- a woman who dresses like a slut and goes out and wants men to stare at her-THINKS
"what the man will think of me? how i make him like me?"
she is not being her real self. a real women is modest. a woman who has enough self respect. esteem adn confidence.

I had always considered those women who dared to dress that way as ppl who have gd self esteem- imo they would need to in order to walk down the street wearing those type of clothes.

And just as an aside to mellors- i met my ex in the same situation...as you said it should have been fair warning as to how things would go- nightmare-wise!!- but love (or what I thought was love) is blind. Could be a great topic though... how have relationships turned out between those who have met in a psych ward..... The success stories and the others...