Hey Jordy...

I can certainly feel your frustrations and fear of change... It is terribly scary... I understand. really.

I guess it makes me wonder...if YOU were YOUR T, and you saw yourself stuck in destructive patterns, circling around in frustration and pain, making the same mistakes, being hurt and thwarted, what would you do?

She has the advantage of not being as emotionally connected and attached to things as you are. She has seen how certain things like say group homes or partial inpatient/outpatient...can break a cycle or break a pattern....by forcing you into a different schedule and being around people that are supportive and/or going through similar changes can be extremely beneficial and mean the difference between life and death, literally.
How long should she just be supportive of your drinking and staying in an unhealthy environment for you?...are you not paying her for her advice, wisdom, care and to facilitate change in you? I understand that it appears she is pushing too hard or trying to force your hand, but if she doesn't, and the people around you are not doing the right things by you, what else will help you push through the pain and fear to a different place.

I am NOT saying that she is right or wrong or taking her side or any of those things... I'm just saying...try really, really hard to look past all the normal patterns of thought, the fears and assumptions, be truly creative and think. If not her way, can you come up with another that would radically change the cycle that you are in, to a routine and environment that is safe and healthy and supportive?

All I'm asking is that you think...just think really hard...write lists of pros and cons...options, ideas...think radical change...don't delete anything based on just cost or ease of change....I'll bet some doors will open you were not even aware were right in front of your face. Make calls, ask open ended questions about what might be available...etc.... Don't get discouraged with some dead ends...keep searching like you are in a maze...know that there is a way out. There is.

Stay patient...you are much braver than you give yourself credit for.

Good luck,
- Wysteria Blue