i do nothing but sit home all day waiting for my mom to get home.

but therapy is not helping me

and i withdrew from college may of this year

and now i feel like i may never go back, because i don't feel like i will ever get better

i have no friends, i go nowhere, i don't like to go places without my mother, i don't like to drive. All I do is read, take care of animals, and sit pathetically killing time with movies and waiting for my mom. but it's getting miserable to even watch movies or try to find something in the house to do. i'm rewatching the same show for the 3rd time now and that show is literally my life and the only happiness I have besides my animals and alcohol

The only thing I want to do is lay in bed. I'm pathetic and a waste of space. I'm so SKINNY and I HATE IT but the only thing I ever crave is chocolate. Or coffee. Anyway I'm not really suicidal but the idea of getting very drunk again sounds great.

I hate myself for whining. I would like to destroy myself and recreate a person but I cannot destroy myself without dying.

Is this all there is in life for me? Because a connection with a person just sounds impossible, and would that make me feel better, anyway?