Hello Nevergoodenough: You know... to fall back once again on a hackneyed old phrase... this is not rocket science. You're suffering from a serious major depression. And unfortunately there are only a few treatment options. There are psych med's, there's therapy along with such classes as DBT, & there's ECT. You said that therapy isn't helping. I don't find this to be surprising. I no longer have a therapist because it just didn't seem to be worth the cost. On the other hand, sometimes it takes several tries before you find a therapist who can really help you. I don't know how many you've tried. I also don't know what med's you're on, if any. Here again, it can take awhile to find the right one(s). I've never had ECT. But I hear it can be a real lifesaver.

The point is, though, that you have to commit yourself to the process of getting well. Only you can make it happen when it comes right down to it. I know how difficult this can be when you're in the depths of depression. But it is necessary. So please dig deep & try to find something that will cause you to want to heal. Perhaps if you can find that, you'll be able to find the strength to recover.