im crying so hard. my mom said she wants to distance herself from me. at first she said "for forever" then she said "for a short period of time". i told "why are you doing this? i need you the most in my life right now than anything. she said because i said she wasnt a perfect mom but i said that didnt change how i felt about her. that i still love her. i called my sister and my sister is upset a bit with my mom because she called my mom to find out why she said that to me and my sister told me my mom had been drinking.

i swear.

both my parents are alcoholics. but ive never heard my dad said he wanted to distance himself from me for forever. my mom said she was gonna "teach me a lesson and leave me". i was so upset and crying my eyes out.

today WAS good. now its turned very very very awful. this is usually why i dont hang around my mom. because something like this seems to ALWAYS happen. she says hurtful things to me.

Willow, yeah I'm on a cto, my Dr has already talked about me going back just for the injection, but if I could just manage to stay on my feet one time, I'd be ok.

I hope you have a nice time in France

So many family problems and stuff, social services, fighting, lawyers, crying, laughter bla bla screaming, tension, anxiety, guilt, crazy I had one HELL of a weekend. So much stress turned to panic but no paranoia. It just stopped there =D I used that stress as motivation to move into my old room which took 3 hours. I'm kind of a stress junky.

I was absolutely convinced I was going to die last night. Not like suicidal, I just felt like someone had granted me the knowledge that it was my time. I realized it was probably a delusion, and that I'd forgotten my risperidone for a few days, so I took it. I think I feel better.

Well my new routine is going well so far. Managed to get up even though I'm knackered and keeping up with personal hygiene. Also started reading more difficult books in preparation. Not easy but getting through it. I refuse to fail again

I no longer trust my own brother to listen to my knowledge. If I tell him what I'm thinking, he'll believe the people posing as my MH team instead of me. I am suspicious of everyone and on edge.

I'm seeing a gp about my scars tomorrow. I hope she's sympathetic rather than an arsehole about it. Some people have been horrible about them

I think the audition went well. I'll find out in a couple of days.

I stress smoke too. Yesterday I smoked like a chimney, not because of psychosis or anything but because of some stupid interpersonal drama that was irritating the hell out of me.