Somebody asked me how i was feeling and I had to think about it. What I finally came up with was "blah." I had a med tweak starting Tuesday and (I think coincidentally) have been physically sick as a dog. Emotionally, though, I've just realized I feel absolutely nothing.

I've been thinking some dark thoughts lately, so maybe this is good? -- but I'd prefer a way to know I'm still me in there somewhere! Right now I have neither the energy nor the thought compelling me to pick up a blade -- I don't feel anything good, bad or otherwise. I'm looking at pill bottles as enemies instead of possible solutions -- but not so much because the meds have magically worked -- more that I just don't really give a crap. At all. About anything. I'm just sleepwalking through the motions.

This really sucks. At least pain lets you know you're alive. I feel like Frankenstein's monster or something, controlled by someone else. I don't feel like I have control over my own life and thoughts right now. And I'd like to think this is NOT what the pharmaceutical companies are aiming for, but who knows?

Candy