I told my pdoc today that I've been in the system for 20 years mostly non compliant. Now that I'm compliant the longer I'm in the system the worse and more hopeless I feel. Rehashing past trauma and all other difficulties from mental illness is exhausting. When these confessions are met with indifference it can be very harmful. Then having to move on and start it all again makes me feel like a diagnosed annoyance instead of a valuable person.

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