I hear you. I look back and think how did they ever put up with me. I drive my own self crazy, so I have to drive coworkers and bosses crazy. But my early years were low paying blue collar jobs. Due to a back injury, I got into retail sales for less physical. It started out well for a year because all I focused on was how much easier it was physically. But you can't mask mental health forever, so it would rear its ugly head from time to time. I'm still shocked at how I managed to hold 3 jobs for 3 years each after a hospitalization for suicide attempt all while acting no different.

Something, somewhere, somehow has caused me to lose all of my hope and change.