Quote:
Originally Posted by rhcpfan713
I am so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I've been struggling with my sexuality for a long time so I definitely know how rough that can be but honestly i couldn't imagine being in your situation. even though i'm not surrounded by Christians I still am so ashamed of the fact that I love women. I hate that about myself. i ****ing hate it i wish i were like every other person in my damn town and just liked guys. I hate how TV shows, advertisements, movies, magazines, children's books, you name it, if there is a couple it is USUALLY a heterosexual one. I work with young children. I hate how it is presumed that a man and a woman will be together. Don't you think that is going to be confusing for that child who realizes he/she is gay later in life? i HATE that people assume i'm straight. i hate hate hate that. it's so awkward if i try to drop hints that i like women. I've heard my friends bash gays, also cutters too, but that's a whole 'nother story. They aren't homophobes, per se.... but i just feel so incredibly alienated when i'm with them. and these are my FRIENDS! well whatever. i'm in a horrible pissy mood. but i can kind of relate. hang in there.
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Yeah I dropped hints today - kind of accidentally though. I told my friend "I'm so done crushing on guys, they never like me back anyway and I don't even want a relationship." Then out of nowhere today one of my friends who is anti-gay jokingly asked "are you gay?" in which I laughed and said no even though that was a complete lie.
I feel **** for lying to people like that, especially since she's not one of those homophobes who are really nasty, she was just raised to believe it was wrong and she's one of my closest friends. I don't think she'd abandon me or anything, I hope, she's too nice. I just don't want to lose her as a friend (don't have a crush on her or anything) but yeah, she's just someone I really trust and share secrets with her, but being gay is just not one that I would confess straight up. I agree with the whole people teaching children that there's only heterosexual people and cis people.
I did work experience at a child care and this boy was upset because the girls would tease him for liking barbie dolls and I told him that it's okay for girls to like boy things and boys to like girl things and he gave me the biggest smile and I don't think I've ever achieved such a positive impact onto a child before, because if it was one of the teachers they'd probably be like "no barbies are for girls."
It just annoys me, because I'm quite tomboyish I guess, I hate wearing girly things like dresses and skirts and my mother is always trying to get me to wear dresses or says stuff like "you should try dressing nice for once." It's like,
thanks, that makes me feel loads better about myself.
I generally hate it when my mother tries getting me something girly, she gave me makeup for my birthday when she KNOWS I do not wear make up at all. And she said to me when I was given it "for a fresh start." And after that she continued to try forcing this girly persona onto me that just wasn't me.
And sometimes she forgets I have guy friends as well and when I talk about one of them she's like "ooh, do you like one of them?" And it's like, can't a male and female not be friends without others assuming they are dating, straight or not? It ticks me off so much.
And these friends you have, joking about gays and cutting, seriously? I don't think they're very good friends. If one of my friends made a joke about either rape, LGBT people, suicide, self harm, mental illness, races, genders etc.. I would not be their friend anymore. I mean I can tolerate people being like "oh I'm just not a supporter of LGBT people." But I do not tolerate "They should be stoned to death." Because whether you are against LGBT people or not - you should still RESPECT them, no matter what your views are.
I think I rambled a bit there, but seriously, I hate hiding in the closet and I hate gender roles.