I do this a lot. You wouldn't believe some of the things I've texted, emailed and yelled at my T.

My T thinks that, if I am a jerk to him (not that he uses that term) it's because I need to be. He says it's not really anything to do with me - it's more like a cardigan I'm wearing.

It's not your bad side that you're showing your T. It's not really you. It's part of the process you and your T are creating and navigating together, it's part of your woundedness, but it's not you, not the core of your self. You might not be happy about being moody to your T, but I doubt you had any control over it anyway.

You feel like you do because you care about your T and because behaving like this wouldn't be acceptable out in the world - but that's why you need to bring it to therapy.