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That masochism--under this specific guise, at least--is not a mental disorder at all but rather reflective of mental/emotional overpowering stress, fear, and guilt "married"(as trauma bonding) to biological excitement through traumatic experience. That it is not, per se, a malignant thought-structuring but instead a psychiatric injury resulting from the unavoidable trauma of molestation.

That such experience was amongst others things sudden, shocking, sustained, repetitive, stalking in nature, and shaming/humiliating. We, under the ligatures of trauma deviance, will seek to please even going so far as to, in some cases, seek out the contact and initiate the molestation. Classic Stockholm syndrome presentation.

The continuance of this on into life seems to me to be referenced as PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. That the continuance is the result of early behavioral imprinting that is now running unabated and amok. A switch that seems nearly impossible to shut off since pleasure and excitement are now to be had from this. This is sometimes referred to as trauma pleasure or trauma arousal. It connects sex to fear, danger, violence, risk, and shame/humiliation.

A congruent thought processing of this is that we are "getting what we deserve"(a childhood belief that we are somehow responsible for what is happening/has happened to us. That we were/are "bad", not our molesters). Such "battery acid" leaks out in various ways....

Trauma shame: shame and humiliation become sexual exciters. We feel a strong sense, a need even to be unworthy. Expressed in ways such as self hatred, self-injury, cutting, association and submission to violence and sexual subjugation, estrangement, emotional truncation, sense of being immoral or sinful, and loss of faith in our future.

Trauma repetition: re-enactment living in an unremembered or traumatic past. Victimizing others as we were victimized. Self destructive behavior. Seeking of abusive relationships with sadistic partners to fuel our masochism, to re-enact what we always done to "survive" and "be okay". Repeating painful relationships.

Trauma abstinence/deprivation (sometimes as anorexia/bulimia nervosa): poverty obsession, commitment to going without, being devalued, being harmed. Driven by fear or terror and maintained by sexual masochism.

Trauma blocking: excessive drinking, taking depressants, compulsive sleeping, eating, binging, working, gambling, or exercise. Drug addiction. Abuse seeking.

High drama becomes a way to manage anxiety. Fear intensifies all human attachments. Control makes the fear. The fear deepens the bond. With abuse comes loyalty to the abuser. With loyalty comes secrecy and denial.
[Credit in great part to Patrick J. Carnes for his dissertations on trauma bonding...also, and perhaps more succinctly, referred to as trauma betrayal]

Suffering and submissiveness has become both our opiate and our Bible.

Just as way back when. We needed them to survive physically back then. And perhaps it can be said that we need them now mentally and emotionally to "feel alive.......still". To be "a good boy now", a "good little girl now".


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A large quote, yes, sorry about that, but very insigtful.

I can relate.